Suffering

Suffering.

The hurt is there.
Always there.

Nothing I can do to stop it.
Nothing you can do.

Tho’ you are the one that caused it.

I searched and searched.
Hoping to find the one.

I thought twas you.
Then you say it cannot be.

You left me.
You hurt me.
You have caused so much pain.

But still…
I want…
You.

I want you to be the one
I hold in my arms each night.

I want you to be the one
That invades my every thought.

Not wanting to blame you,
But not knowing where the blame lies.

Is it with me?
Am I the one that did wrong?

It surely cannot lie with you.
You are simply following your heart.

Wandering through the days in a haze of pain,
Knowing you is with him,
And you are happy.

Could you not be happy with me?
Have I never made you happy?

The pain.
The crippling anguish.

I lay in bed,
Wishing you were beside me,
Unable to sleep.
Because it hurts me so.

Begging for the blessed darkness.

You try to comfort.
It makes some wounds deeper.
It heals others.

In the halls,
My shoulders tense.
Knowing you is there,
That I cannot touch you.

I catch your gaze across the corridor.

The pain,
Still so fresh,
Sears through my heart.

Running towards the bathroom,
Trying not to begin the crying just yet.

For so long,
We swore we would together forever be.

Was it all a lie?
Is love a lie?

Yes,
I know I should move on.
Yet I cannot.
I do not wish to.

I want what we had,
Tho’ I know it will never be the same.

Suffering,
Trying not to let you see it,
Wanting to be strong,
For you,
Even now that you are no longer mine.